[give_form id="19690"]

Ask The Doc: How Do I Talk With My Husband About His Incontinence?

QUESTION: MY HUSBAND OF 47 YEARS HAS RECENTLY STARTED EXPERIENCING INCONTINENT EPISODES. HE’S A VERY PROUD MAN AND DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT THEM TO ME, BUT IT’S STARTING TO BECOME A PROBLEM DUE TO THE INCREASED LAUNDRY, SMELL, AND HIS OVERALL DEPRESSED ATTITUDE ABOUT IT. HOW CAN I GET HIM TO OPEN UP AND TALK WITH ME ABOUT IT?

Answer: This is a common problem in marriages, especially pertaining to men. Most men don’t want to admit they have a problem with bladder control. They feel ashamed, and hate the idea of wearing protection. He may never come out and admit it to you on his own, so here are some tips to broach the subject with him, then how can Talk With My Husband About His Incontinence?

MAKE HIM FEEL COMFORTABLE.

As you’ve already figured out, incontinence is a very uncomfortable subject for your husband. Make him feel at ease and approach him about his bladder leakage in a way that is not threatening or accusatory. Find some neutral territory and talk to him at a time when he feels good. Don’t try to broach this subject right after he’s had an accident. That will only make him feel more embarrassed and ashamed.

SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE UNDERSTANDING AND WANT TO HELP HIM WITH HIS BLADDER LEAKAGE.

Before you talk with him, do a little research on incontinence and learn what may be causing the issue. Did he just have prostate surgery? Is there something else that has changed recently that could be contributing to his accidents? Read about the causes, and the many different treatment options and management strategies for bladder leakage. Show him that there are ways to manage the condition and that he doesn’t have to just live with it. Let him know that you care about him and want to help. Show him that you are a team so that he doesn’t feel so alone.

ENCOURAGE HIM TO SEEK TREATMENT FOR HIS INCONTINENCE.

Incontinence can often be a symptom of an underlying condition. Let your husband know that you want him to talk with a doctor to make sure that there is nothing serious going on, and to help him get the problem under control. He may be resistant to speaking with his doctor, but press on (slowly). The sooner he confronts his incontinence with a professional, the sooner he can begin treatment and start feeling like himself again. (Find a specialist in your area with our Specialist Locator.)

BE HIS ADVOCATE FOR CARE.

Because your husband is so embarrassed about his incontinence, you may need to be his voice when seeking out treatment options. Help him research incontinence so that you both can learn more about it. Write out questions that he can bring with him to the doctor’s office to ensure he doesn’t forget anything important. Be sure to voice any concerns over treatment options. And help him stay the course on his path to treatment.

INTRODUCE HIM TO THE NAFC MESSAGE BOARDS.

The NAFC message boards are a great place for your husband to explore and ask questions – anonymously! There are many people on the boards who may be experiencing the same things he is who he can talk to. Plus, with so many people dealing with incontinence in the same spot, there are lots of learnings and tips he may be able to pull from to help his own situation. (As an aside, the message boards may also be a great spot for you to do some research too. Talk with other caregivers to get some ideas. Or ask other men living with incontinence how you might be able to best approach your husband about the topic.)

How Do I Talk With My Husband About His Incontinence?

It’s never easy talking about incontinence to a loved one – especially men. But by being a caring and supportive spouse, you’ll show your husband that you are in his corner and that you are there to help. Good luck!

Are you an expert in incontinence care? Would you like to join the NAFC expert panel? Contact us!

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Articles

An older couple walks hand in hand on a forest path, smiling at each other. Sunlight filters through green trees, creating a peaceful, natural setting. Thanks to reliable bladder leak pads, they enjoy their stroll with confidence and comfort.

Ask The Expert: Can You Live Without a Bladder?

Are you or someone you love scheduled for bladder removal surgery (cystectomy)? While it can be a surprise to find out you’ll need a cystectomy, whether partial or radical, know that you aren’t alone. 

In fact, bladder cancer is listed among the top 10 most diagnosed cancers worldwide.

We sat down with Aleece Fosnight, MSPAS, PA-C, CSC, CSE, IF, MSCP, HAES, to ask whether you can live without a bladder, how long you can live without one, why you might need a cystectomy, and more. 

A confident woman in a suit sits at a desk, embodying the role of a health advocate, with text about a podcast offering tips for managing urinary incontinence at work. The Life Without Leaks podcast logo and Listen Now message are also visible.

Showing incontinence who’s the boss in the workplace

Managing urinary incontinence is challenging enough, but bladder leaks, sudden urgency and frequent trips to the restroom can be especially stressful when you’re trying to get through a busy workday.

In this episode, we share practical strategies for managing bladder symptoms on the job, whether you’re commuting to an office, sitting through a long meeting, working from home or navigating a packed schedule. We’ll talk about bladder training and bathroom planning, hydration and potential bladder triggers, keeping a bladder diary, preparing for unexpected leaks, choosing incontinence products, staying active and more.

A group of six smiling adults takes a selfie outdoors in a grassy area, with trees and a road in the background. Everyone appears happy and relaxed, enjoying each other’s company—there’s no sign anyone is worried about a UTI, just laughter and good times shared among friends.

Why Bladder Health Matters More as We Age

Aging and the Bladder: What Changes?
As we grow older, the urinary system naturally undergoes changes that can affect bladder function.
Common age-related changes include:
Reduced bladder capacity
Increased bladder sensitivity
Changes in pelvic floor muscle strength
Hormonal changes, particularly after menopause
Enlarged prostate in men
Increased prevalence of chronic conditions such as diabetes, stroke, and neurological disorders
These changes can contribute to symptoms such as:
Urinary urgency
Frequent urination
Overactive bladder (OAB)
Urinary incontinence
Nocturia (waking at night to urinate)
While these symptoms become more common with age, they should never be viewed as something people simply have to live with.
The Hidden Connection Between Bladder Problems and Falls
One of the most overlooked consequences of bladder symptoms in older adults is an increased risk of falling.
Many falls occur during urgent trips to the bathroom, particularly at night. An individual may wake suddenly with a strong urge to urinate, rush through a dark room, become dizzy when standing, or trip over furniture, rugs, or other obstacles.
Research has shown that urinary urgency, frequency, and nocturia are associated with a higher risk of falls and fractures in older adults.
For seniors, a fall can have life-changing consequences, including:
Broken bones
Head injuries
Hospitalization
Loss of independence
Reduced mobility
Increased risk of future falls
In many cases, addressing bladder symptoms can be an important part of a comprehensive fall-prevention strategy.
How Nocturia Impacts Healthy Aging
Waking multiple times each night to urinate is more than a sleep disturbance.
Nocturia can contribute to:
Daytime fatigue
Reduced concentration
Memory difficulties
Mood changes
Increased fall risk
Lower overall quality of life
Older adults who experience frequent nighttime bathroom trips often report feeling less energetic and less able to participate in activities they enjoy.
Protecting sleep is an important part of protecting overall health.
The Emotional Impact of Bladder Leaks
Many older adults quietly manage bladder leakage without discussing it with family members or healthcare providers.
Unfortunately, untreated bladder symptoms can lead to:
Social withdrawal
Anxiety
Depression
Reduced physical activity
Fear of leaving home
Loss of confidence
Some people stop exercising, traveling, attending social events, or spending time with friends because they worry about finding a bathroom or experiencing leakage in public.
The result can be a cycle of isolation that negatively affects both physical and mental health.
Healthy Aging Includes Bladder Health
The good news is that many bladder conditions can be improved or successfully managed.
Treatment options may include:
Pelvic Floor Muscle Training
Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles can help improve bladder control and reduce leakage.
Bladder Training
Scheduled voiding and urge-suppression techniques may help reduce urgency and frequency.
Lifestyle Modifications
Small changes can make a meaningful difference, including:
Managing constipation
Maintaining a healthy weight
Limiting bladder irritants when appropriate
Staying physically active
Monitoring fluid intake patterns
Medical Treatments
Depending on the cause of symptoms, treatment options may include:
Medications
Neuromodulation therapies
Vaginal estrogen for postmenopausal women
Prostate treatments for men
Surgical interventions in select cases
Fall Prevention Tips for Older Adults with Bladder Symptoms
If urgency or nighttime bathroom trips are a concern, consider these safety measures:
Keep pathways clear of clutter
Use nightlights between the bedroom and bathroom
Wear supportive, non-slip footwear
Install grab bars when appropriate
Rise slowly from bed to avoid dizziness
Discuss medications with your healthcare provider
Seek evaluation for persistent bladder symptoms
Addressing both bladder health and home safety can significantly reduce fall risk.
A Conversation Worth Having
Too often, people assume bladder leakage is simply the price of getting older. The reality is that while bladder problems become more common with age, they are not an inevitable part of aging.
National Senior Citizens Day reminds us that healthy aging means more than managing chronic diseases—it means preserving independence, confidence, mobility, and quality of life.
If bladder symptoms are interfering with sleep, daily activities, or peace of mind, don’t ignore them. Talk with a healthcare provider and explore your options. Effective treatments and management strategies are available.
Because aging well isn’t just about adding years to life—it’s about adding life to those years.

An older couple walks hand in hand on a forest path, smiling at each other. Sunlight filters through green trees, creating a peaceful, natural setting. Thanks to reliable bladder leak pads, they enjoy their stroll with confidence and comfort.

Ask The Expert: Can You Live Without a Bladder?

Are you or someone you love scheduled for bladder removal surgery (cystectomy)? While it can be a surprise to find out you’ll need a cystectomy, whether partial or radical, know that you aren’t alone. 

In fact, bladder cancer is listed among the top 10 most diagnosed cancers worldwide.

We sat down with Aleece Fosnight, MSPAS, PA-C, CSC, CSE, IF, MSCP, HAES, to ask whether you can live without a bladder, how long you can live without one, why you might need a cystectomy, and more.