Edit Content
Search
[give_form id="19690"]

Voices Of Incontinence Personal Story: My Husband Is My Rock

This story is a part of the National Association For Continence’s “Voices Of Incontinence” campaign, which shows, in patient’s own words, what it’s like to live with incontinence. Learn more about this campaign, watch the videos, read other stories, and find resources to manage bladder leaks here.

Having incontinence can be a huge burden, not only for the person who has it, but for their loved ones, too. I feel lucky that for the past several years my husband has stood by me not only as my confidante, but also as my partner in the battle against incontinence. He is my rock and I can’t imagine going through this with anyone else.

At first I didn’t tell him about the leaks. We had been married for 34 years, so you’d think there wouldn’t be any secrets. But the thought of him knowing that I wet my pants sometimes just felt wrong. What if he found it disgusting? What if he just didn’t understand my problem? I should have known better. After a year of thinking I was being super secretive, he finally approached me to let me know that he knew what was happening. I hadn’t been so sneaky after all. I broke down in front of him, scared of what he must think of me, but he looked me straight in the eye and said “Sue, we’ll fight this together,” and from that day on we have.

He would remind me to bring incontinence supplies when we were heading out. He urged me to make an appointment with a doctor. And he did tons of research about bladder leaks in women – the possible causes, the different options for treatment.

He even went with me to my doctor’s appointment, and I have to say he was even more helpful than I was for a lot of it. He asked all the right questions and pushed for options.  I was in awe of this man I had married. I couldn’t imagine having had those difficult and embarrassing conversations with my doctor on my own and was so happy that he was there to support me and help me through it.

When I started treatment (something called sacral neuromodulation) he went with me to get the device implanted and learned all the ins and outs of how it worked. He reminded me to make my follow-up appointments, and he pushed me to write down any issues I was having along the way so I wouldn’t forget to mention them to my doctor.

But for all the practical help he’s been, nothing compares to how he’s been there for me emotionally. He’s the one that I go to when I need to talk. He knows how hard this has been on me. And he knows that it’s not easy for me to feel comfortable going out with friends. Even though I’m sure that some of them have the exact same problems that I do, that doesn’t stop me from being terrified of someone finding out that my bladder leaks.  He helps me to see that there’s no shame in being human and that this is just a medical condition like anything else.

Plus, he doesn’t let me sulk (which is something I’m prone to do). As soon as he sees me feeling sorry for myself, he gets me right up and takes me out for a walk with the dog, a light tennis match (we’ve played together for years) or a quick bite to eat. He shows me that my life is bigger than incontinence and that I have the power to choose what I want from it. Incontinence does not have to be in charge.

I don’t know what I would do without him. If you have someone close to you and are scared to tell them about your bladder leaks, my advice is to just do it. Trying to keep it a secret is far more stressful than just getting it out in the open.

And if you’re lucky, like me, it may be just the thing that helps to push you toward a new beginning.

Sue W.
Portland, OR

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Articles

Dr. Syan Podcast OAB

The Ins-and-Outs of OAB

When is that sudden urge to go so bad that you should seek out medical help? How can I tell the difference between a UTI and OAB? How much water should I be drinking every day? Can a woman actually visit a urologist? 

These are some of the important questions that we address with today’s guest, Dr. Raveen Syan. She’s an associate professor of clinical urology at the University of Miami’s Miller School of Medicine and a specialist in a number of women’s pelvic health issues, including the treatment of stress urinary incontinence, pelvic organ prolapse and overactive bladder. 

Podcast Webpage Image - Don't Push

Don’t Push When You Pee!

We’ve all been there. The baby’s crying upstairs, so you need to speed up your bathroom visit to get to her quickly. You’re racing to your next meeting, and you only have a minute to stop for the bathroom. You’re late for your doctor’s appointment, but you just need to make a pit stop before you leave. Sometimes having to pee gets in the way of our daily lives.

If you’re someone who’s moving so fast that you push when you pee, you could be setting yourself up for some trouble down the road. Listen today to learn more about why you shouldn’t be forcing things.

Northshore Blog Myths

Busting Common Myths About Incontinence

Did you know that incontinence is more common than diabetes and heart disease combined? Yet, many who experience it feel isolated, embarrassed, or misunderstood due to persistent myths and stigmas. Regardless of age, gender identity, or background, learning the facts about incontinence can empower you to reclaim your confidence and live with dignity.

Dr. Syan Podcast OAB

The Ins-and-Outs of OAB

When is that sudden urge to go so bad that you should seek out medical help? How can I tell the difference between a UTI and OAB? How much water should I be drinking every day? Can a woman actually visit a urologist? 

These are some of the important questions that we address with today’s guest, Dr. Raveen Syan. She’s an associate professor of clinical urology at the University of Miami’s Miller School of Medicine and a specialist in a number of women’s pelvic health issues, including the treatment of stress urinary incontinence, pelvic organ prolapse and overactive bladder.